In Business, There's One Unvarying Thread
Tune: Cole Porter's I Get a Kick Out of You

In Business, there's one unvarying thread:
For practic'ly ev'ryone, it's a battle for bread.
Now, no one does anything simply for free;
If you ask me to help you, bro,
With a deal that'll make you dough,
Here's the one thing I need to know—
What's in it for me?

Maybe I ought to explain:
Greasing the wheel—that's "The Art of the Deal";
And, trust me, this deal will go through,
If I get a kickback from you.

Maybe you thought making rain
Took only skill and the instinct to kill,
But you're wrong, 'cause it still remains true—
I must get a kickback from you.

I get a kickback for making calls
To line up girls named "Lola";
I get my cut, just for having balls
Enough to line up payola.

Maybe I've brought people gain;
Maybe, they say, the best way to make hay
Is to lay out a peso or two—
So where is my kickback from you?