O Fretful Porpentine!

Tune: Richard Rodgers's "My Funny Valentine"

O fretful porpentine!
Poor, prickly porpentine!
You seem a tad overwrought.

When Danes soliloquize,
Your back's up, hillock-wise;
You feel ignored, and you're distraught.

But a trap he has to spring,
And a play is just the thing,
'Cause the conscience of the King
Must be caught;

So don't wave your quills about—
You're not what Will's about.
Nay, silly porpentine, nay!
This ain't no porpentine play.