War Has Changed

Tune: Cole Porter's "Anything Goes"

War has changed,
Since contemptible Thane Macbeth
Killed the King, and then paused for breath—
Now, we're dealing in megadeath.
Now, to keep
Any trees in the Birnam Wood
From arriving at Dunsinane,
We Wood Birnam where they stood.

When Washington informs the Russians,
"Let's table the SALT discussions
And fall to blows!",
Everything glows.

When Indians and Pakistanis
Are fixin' to kick some fannies
And step on toes,
Everything glows.

The world's a big thorium
Crematorium;
There's plutonium
Pandemonium;
And no cranium
Can stop uranium,
If it's gonna decompose.

Hiroshima and Nagasaki
Have taught us, when men in khaki
Attack their foes,
Everything glows.

[Return to Bridge for:]

They claim it's all "verified,"
But I'm terrified;
And no mystery,
'Cause we're history
If one sinister
Premier or minister
Ever gets it up his nose.

If just one meatball feels his Wheaties,
You know you can stick your treaties
Where nothing grows—
Everything glows.