Good Goin', Starbucks

Tune: Galt MacDermot's "Good Morning, Starshine"

Good goin', Starbucks—
But have you no shame?
No coffee to speak of,
Except in your name.

Good golly, Starbucks!
I need my caffeine.
Your coffee's got everything—
Except the freakin' coffee bean.

Jelly bean java,
Praline cappuccino,
With caramel swirl;
Gingerbread jamocha,
Jujube Jamaican,
Fit for a girl;
Coco-macchiato,
Macaroon espresso—
Screwin' up a cup o' joe.

Good gravy, Starbucks!
You call that a cup?
A modest proposal:
Try fillin' one up.

Good riddance, Starbucks!
You're out of my life.
I wouldn't buy what you sling
To please a dyin' trophy wife.

"Tiny tot" grande,
Teeny-weeny venti,
With plenty of foam;
Lilliputian leche,
Miniature dolce—
Top up the foam!
Microscopic mocha,
Milliliter latte—
Screwin' up a cup o' joe.

Coughin' up jack,
Collarin' joe
Just to pour down the john;
Coughin' up jack,
Collarin' joe
To pour down the john;
Cough up ja-ack,
Collar jo-oe—
Somethin' in this pic-
Ture's just plain wrong.
Somethin' in this pic-
Ture's just plain wrong.