The Upshot, Lady Bracknell, is I Haven't Got a Parent

Tune: Arthur Sullivan's "The Lady of My Love," from "Iolanthe"

Jack Worthing.

The upshot, Lady Bracknell, is I haven't got a parent—
Ah, me! An orphan boy am I!
'Twere false asserting otherwise, and so, you see, I daren't—
Fiddle-faddle, fiddle-faddle, fal, lal, la!
Although my "line"'s a lengthy one and prominent my "station,"
I illustrate a paradox of human generation:
I'm son and heir to no one, but my parents are the Nation—
Fiddle-faddle, fiddle-faddle, fal, lal, la!

Lady Bracknell.

I'm sorry, Mr. Worthing, but you may not wed my daughter—
Oh, fie! An orphan boy is he!
To marry into cloakrooms is a thing I've never taught her—
Fiddle-faddle, fiddle-faddle, fal, lal, la!
To lose a single parent, when you're small and pink and hairless,
Is undoubtedly unfortunate—I couldn't well declare less;
But losing both, I grieve to say, is getting rather careless—
Fiddle-faddle, fiddle-faddle, fal, lal, la!